A Stepfamily Christmas Carol

Christmas Tree Shape 1

Like Ebenezer Scrooge, your family can be transformed by stories of holidays past, present and future.

Christmas Past

Whether the stories are funny, touching, tragic or inspiring, sharing stories of celebrations in the past is one of the things that bring families together. A stepfamily starts with a wealth of separate holiday histories, but not so many shared ones. As your family gets established, it is important to honor stories of those holidays that pre-date the stepfamily. Your family members may idealize the old stories or tell them as evidence of how bad things used to be. Either way, it will help you to understand each other to know your stories.

Christmas Present

The holiday season is a wonderful opportunity to create shared stories that will help define you as a family. They don´t even have to be good stories where everyone is happy together. Watch for your great family stories this year. Capture the funny, bizarre, serendipitous, surprising or tender moments in the form of stories that you can retell.

Being on the lookout for story moments pays double benefits. You will be gathering material to use in the future. You may also be more alert to what is happening now. Who knows, you may have a richer holiday just by being more aware of the stories of your life together as they happen.

Christmas Future

You can also plant seeds for future experiences together by telling stories of how it will be. After Christmas one year, my parents and siblings agreed that the following year, we would make contributions in lieu of giving gifts to the adults. The plan was to wrap something to represent the donation, like a Lincoln log house to symbolize a gift to Habitat for Humanity. Throughout the year, my children and I talked about the new plan. We told the Lincoln log idea so often that by the time Christmas rolled around again, wrapping something to represent our contributions seemed like a time-honored tradition.

What kind of holiday observance do you want to tell into being? What stories will reinforce a fledgling tradition in your family? Stories have the power to set practices, reinforce values, inspire, caution, and bond your stepfamily together.

So, this year, tell your stories, past present and future. Ask each other about your favorite and worst holidays. Re-live common experiences and strengthen your connection by reminiscing things you have shared. Capture the present holiday experience in new stories. Build a common vision for family times to come by telling stories about how you want it to be.

Your stories can be a gift you share for many years to come.

Marcia Walker helps parents and stepparents deal with the challenges of stepfamily life: parenting together, helping kids adjust, conflicting loyalties, dealing with exes and more.

To learn more about succeeding as a stepfamily, Get your copy of Five Secrets of Happy Stepfamilies at http://www.stepbystepcoaching.biz.